Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize