he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
