I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
