The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
