well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
