Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
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