If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
