obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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