he wants to bone in the snuggie
4 words: hood of his car
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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