this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
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