you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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