hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Randomize