I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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