Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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