just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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