I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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