We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
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