we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
