i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Randomize
