someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
