Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
