I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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