I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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