I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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