I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Randomize
