You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
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