So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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