We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
