is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I can text with my tongue
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
