I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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