I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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