your room smells of hookers.
And success
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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