You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
