Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
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