wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Randomize
