I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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