used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
