Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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