I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I party with great urgency now.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
that may or may not have been my penis.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
