i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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