Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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