I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize