First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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