Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
