Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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