babies were throwing up all over the place
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
She just used a chaser for red wine.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
