I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
