i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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