i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
