cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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