too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
