dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
i think i have two assholes
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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