highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
