I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
