it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
