Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
