Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Randomize