last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
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