Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
