I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I looked at my own cervix.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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