Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
