plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
it's like iHOP with fire
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
