I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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