Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
