You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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