i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Enjoy the penises
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
